My Letter to 36

Birthdays are so funny. When you’re young, it’s all about cake and games and singing the song as loud as you can. When you’re sixteen, you’re supposed to be sweet. When you’re 18, you are officially an adult (ugh!). When you turn 21, you can officially drink -although I was drinking way before that. I was freaked out to turn 21 too. I had this horrible dream days before and I was on edge. Little did I know the reason behind the dream and lessons I learned. That’s another blog post.

Because my day of birth landed smack in the middle of two holidays, birthday parties were always a fail. It was either too cold or people were busy understandably so. Because of this, I never tried to make a big deal about it. Every blue moon, I wondered what it was like truly being the center of attention and to not be forgotten in the holiday hoopla. It’s the one day where you want to be selfish and have everything about you. I of course never do because it’s not me. Yes -even at the age I am now, that feeling still comes up in my brain. That thought, however, always leads me to reflection.

My trip around the Sun is the very end of the year so when it comes around, I find myself reflecting. What did I do with my year? Did I accomplish any planned or unplanned goals? What lessons did I learn? What mistakes did I make and how I can not make them again? What do I need to leave behind this year? Yes I have asked myself these questions every year since I turned 19. Some years had great answers. When I turned 23, I got to see Chris Rock live. I tried sushi for the first time. I had my first massage. It was blissful because I did everything I said I was going to do. Some years brought a lot of tears and my birthday would allow me to dissect those tears and try to figure out how not to have them again.

As I look at the calendar and see that tomorrow is yet another day of reflection, I look back at 2018. Self-discovery, a louder voice, speaking (parts) of my truth have been themes of this year. I say that I spoke parts of my truth because I  know I still held back on one part of my life. I feel like that part will break free next year. Who knows? It might have to.

I’m turning 36 tomorrow and made some decisions this year that seem to be 10 years too late. I know that nothing is too late. One change of the mindset can change your life. Everything falls the way it’s supposed to. I am where I’m supposed to be at this moment on this day.

So as my last day as a 35 year old, Cassandra, promise me that you will make more decisions for you. Stay focus on what you want and know that everything you want will manifest. You are surrounded by abundance and joy and sparkly things. Open up your eyes and reach for them. Toss that glitter and confetti in the air and celebrate! Baby girl -everything will work out! It’s your birthday!!!! sharon-mccutcheon-522397-unsplash

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