Peace and love everyone. Hope you’re doing good. I am super grateful that you have stopped through and read my blogs. I have much love and appreciation for you.
A fellow blogger posed a question that I have thought about many times. What has been the hardest struggle as a parent? As much as I wanted to be a mother, I will admit that I didn’t have any idea just how much my life would change. The lack of everything from sleep to food to time -I knew that it would be a lot but I never realized just how much. The first three months has as a mother was everything and nothing that I imagined. That however wasn’t or isn’t the hardest struggle for me. Falling into the mother role was a lot easier than falling into the wife role. Now that I’m both -it seems harder to be a wife.
A quick background story on me and our marriage -Ian and I have been married for seven years and dated two years prior to that. I never wanted to get married because I thought the idea of what was a waste of time and energy. If we’re together, why do we need the wedding and the certificate? What do we need to prove? But I ended meeting and falling in love with someone who was very traditional and wanted to get married before having children. We got married and decided to wait a year to have children. The Universe decided for us to wait for four years instead. I had four years as a wife, learning what I considered the wife role and what I wanted in a husband. It took some time for both of us. He was more ready than I was obviously but it definitely had its ups and downs. When I found out I was pregnant, I was already ready to be a mother. Now it was confirmed that it was going to happen. I just needed to figure out the pregnant technical stuff like Braxton Hicks, the fact that I couldn’t eat lunch meat (yup, still mad about that one) and that you will really pee a thousand times a day.
Marriage and motherhood are two of the hardest roles I have ever embarked on. Both roles have thousands of books about how to do each but when it comes down to it, none of those books are never around when you need them. They don’t help with the day to day issues that can keep you up at night. Same with motherhood. Out of all the books I read about becoming a new mother, I never knew about the postpartum anxiety or how much mom-shaming there was. In both roles, you have to learn what you can, make mistakes and hope for the best. It was scary for both roles but it was scarier for the wife role. Crazy part is it’s not even my husband who has been asking for ‘wifely’ things. He’s not coming to me about cooking or cleaning or even sex. It’s the mother me conflicting with the wife me. Mother me is saying you have a little human being to take care who doesn’t know how to cook and clean themselves. Your focus needs to be there. Wife me is saying you wanted a child. You now have a child. Then me as me keeps saying to myself Cassandra you were a wife first. You and he have been through a lot as husband and wife. You still have to be a wife just like he still has to be a husband. Now all three of me are very sleep deprived so it’s constant bickering inside my head but we’re working on it. I certainly still want to be married and be a wife but since I’ve become a Mom, my expectation of what a wife should definitely fallen through the cracks.
What would you say has been the hardest struggle after becoming a parent? Until next time my people…