When You cut Ties with Your Fears

Hello! Hello! Hello my people! I wish you love and hugs from here to there. I hope that your week is going well so far. So the other day, bestie and I were talking about fears. Fears and phobias and what causes them and what were some of ours. You know the most common ones: fear of flying, clowns, dogs, spiders, heights but there’s also fear of dolls, fear of falling in love or one I just discovered that has kept me up at night: thantophobia -the fear of losing someone you love. Everyone at one point may have had a fear of something. Where does it come from? Why are certain fears on others and not you? I remember my father putting me on his shoulders and I was terrified! I held onto his head for dear life and would not let go until he would slowly lower me down. I must have been 4 or 5 years old at the time. I still am to this day afraid of heights…but I want to skydive and I love to fly?? What is that about? How could I possibly fall out of an airplane while hyperventilating and begging to stop the plane? I told my friend that I think it’s the feeling of freedom that I’m yearning for. I want to feel the exhilaration of knowing that I did something and conquered it. Like I said, I’ll probably be freaking out the entire time but I do plan on doing this. I know it won’t be easy but that’s the beauty in the struggle. Finding the tiny bit of courage and face the fear head on. It’s so much easier said than done though. I remember having to take a speech class. I initially thought I got this. Just find something you like talking about so it won’t be so hard. I had a great 2 minute 58 second speech prepared. I was going to use the last two minutes making a joke. I had it all planned out. I was going to talk about the Harlem Renaissance -one of my all time favorite eras in Black History. Teacher called my name. I had my notes. I jumped up and strutted to the front of the class. I was ready. I got there, looked at the people, saw them looking back at me and suddenly I froze. I remember thinking this class only had 15 people. Where did the other 3482 people come from?! I was shook. I couldn’t remember a single word of my speech or the fact that I had my speech written down in my hands ready for me to recite. I can’t tell you all what happened because I feel like the memory ends with me blacking out but at one point, I was talking about Little Orphan Annie. Yes -I was clearly tripping but why? Why did I freeze up and lose all sense of my eyes and mouth? What did I fear? Those people weren’t going to hurt me. The teacher wasn’t going to kill me because my speech isn’t exactly perfect. So what is it about fears that keeps us stuck? I tried to find out. I sent a three paragraph apology email to my teacher asking that very same question. She replied back with one line “You’ve been rescheduled for next week.” No how are you, do you need a minute, I can dock your grade, no-it was just get back to it. The next week, I wasn’t nearly as cocky as I was the first time but I got through it. I even had a couple of chuckles at my end of speech joke. I still think they were just nervous for me and relieved that it was over but I digress. I’m glad I did it because I faced that fear. I shut down the idea that life was going to end because of this one speech. That was 17 years ago. Today I still get nervous when speaking to a group of people but my inner voice isn’t as loco as it was. So I say all of this to say I know it’s hard but face that fear that has been bothering you. Face that situation at work or the conversation you’ve been avoiding or looking at the scale. Crush the fear that you won’t be a mother. Destroy that notion! Crush the idea that you aren’t good enough! Know that you are not fearful but fearless! You can do this. Tell that fear that you are so much stronger today than you were yesterday and it can kiss your grits!! Now…if your fear/phobia is clowns and you happen to see one, punch it in the face. I don’t typically condone violence but the clown will be caught off guard and won’t know what to do. If anything you’ll release some stress. Until next time my people.

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