So those of you who are following me on Instagram (www.instagram.com/greenlocdmomster), you might remember me posting a picture of a positive ovulation result. It was a beautiful non blinking smiley face. It was the first one after several blinking smiley faces which meant we had 48 hours to do the deed. I won’t get into the details but let’s just say the deed was not done. It was one of those moments where anxiety and pressure took over so hubby and I decided to wait and to put things on hold. I said wait until October but honestly I’m thinking after February is when we should pick up where we left off so to speak. February will be the Italy trip. It’ll be just the two of us in a country full of love and romance so we’ll get back to our lovey dovey selves like we did on our last cruise and then boom -it won’t be just a positive ovulation test but a pregnancy test. I just want to take the pressure and nerves out of it. I am going to TRUST the journey and process and SURRENDER the control. I know once I do that, everything will fall into place. That’s what happened with Xavier. We got back from our 7 day cruise where we let a lot of our inhibitions go. We renewed our vows, meditated, and drank all day everyday so we were in blissful love. It was like we were newlyweds again. Then we got back and I said maybe it’s not in the cards for us to have kids and I’m fine with that. This way, we can go on cruises every year and have money all the time. I know there were several factors that were involved to create our little miracle and one of them was just letting go of the notion to be a mother. I have to do the same thing. Let go. Surrender. Ride the waves of the climate right now and hold on tight. SN: I am certainly not saying that this is how we got pregnant. After four years of trying, I honestly don’t know what aligned the planets to create Xavier. I still don’t know but for me, I needed to let go. I needed to release myself from this expectation and change my mindset. I had to. The constant trying, worrying, the rejection, the planned sex days, the peeing on the ovulation stick, and still not receiving the positive result was taking over my every thought…like it is now. So we’re going to take a break. How long -who knows? I can focus on my marriage and my son. The Universe will manifest what I’ve been asking for and everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.