One morning while in the shower, I was thinking about everything like usual. When I got to my fifth thought bubble that started with I think I’m going to pick up some cereal, I said out loud “Damn! I’ve been married for seven years!” I shook my head, grabbed my loofah and said it again. I have been married for seven years. I don’t think I’ve put enough emphasis on just how wild that it is to me. I have been a full blown wife for seven years. I guess as opposed to a fake or half blown wife but still.
It still baffles me because I never wanted to get married (EVER) and yet, I can’t see myself not being married. I can honestly say that marriage, despite what I thought about it, fits me. I wear marriage well. What I mean by that is I respect the essence of marriage. I respect all of marriage, particularly the nitty gritty of it. When you strip away the honeymoon phase, the bells and whistles, the shiny new ring, the first bill with your married name, the first time someone refers to you as the wife, all of the glitter and gold, that’s when the actual marriage takes place. I’m not going to lie –it’s a daily blessing and struggle. Marriage is hard work. You have to constantly work at it. When I say work at it, I mean reminding your spouse why you love them and how much you do. It’s a joint effort of decision making, communication, laughter, and finances. You are building a marriage while maintaining a friendship. You’re helping each other through the good and bad times. You’re the rock for the other when it’s needed. It’s respecting them and their identity. I’ll give an example. Before Ian and I got married, he knew I was a writer. Writing was (and still) my passion. I loved it. I made the conscious decision however to put writing on pause when we got engaged because I didn’t want any of my attention to be taken away from what was going on in my life. I was planning a wedding but more importantly, I was moving forward to being his wife forever. For me, that was a huge decision because like I said, I didn’t want to get married. After a few years, I started writing again and he was 100% supportive. Now he, on the other hand, did not tell me about his obsession for Star Wars before we got married. The Simpsons, Family Guy, Wu-Tang –I knew about. The love for pizza and chips and salsa and being a homebody -I got that. Then it seemed like it happened over night. He was talking about Obi-Wayne Newton and Princess Lansing or that’s what I thought he said. When he told me he was talking about Star Wars, I messed up and said I had never seen any of the movies. Why did I say that? Over the course of three weekends, he made me watch all six Star Wars movies. Back to back to back. It took three weekends because I needed time to process of this that is Star Wars but I supported him and his obsession. I watched them because I knew it would make him happy. I watched them because I lost a bet and had to. I watched them because he had watched all seasons of Living Single, A Different World and Fresh Prince of Bel Air without a single complaint. I mean -why would he? All of those shows are the best ever!
When people tell me that they’re engaged, I always say be absolutely sure and to know that there is more to it than the wedding. Marriage is beautiful, loving, supportive, blissful and inspiring…but it’s also exhausting, a daily struggle, tearful and cray cray. Just remember all of that and you’ll be good.
P.S. I love you honey.
P.S.S. I am certainly not an expert or have any degrees on relationships…but I have read The 5 Love Languages book. I’ve got a lot of my relationship advice from watching Pretty Woman and Boomerang and I’m told that I’m doing a pretty job as a wife. But I am not an expert!