What I did after another negative pregnancy test

After I found out that I wasn’t pregnant this last time,  I did my usual ritual. I went into denial thinking that I didn’t really start my period. I’m just spotting. Then I kept asking myself what about the women who had periods during the pregnancy. They’re out there. Not many but they are out there. Next was anger. I told myself not to get my hopes up and I did anyway. I told myself to not look up early pregnancy symptoms and I did anyway. Finally -acceptance and void filling. I accepted the fact that I was not pregnant and searched for something to fill the void of pain. Usually it’s food or writing or cleaning. This time, I started a list. I wrote down all of my goals and dreams and things that I want to manifest in my life. I’ve learned that for me with every negative pregnancy test, it is a test of how I deal with something negative. Seeing the NOT PREGNANT words flash along the test is obviously not something I wanted to see but I have to turn the situation into a positive in any way I can. I have to change my mindset and rearrange the narrative. It used to be that I couldn’t get pregnant and that my body couldn’t withstand the complexities of carrying a baby. Now it’s you can get pregnant and birth a healthy baby. You’re just not pregnant right now. Now, I get it. It’s very much easier said than done. It took me a long time even before I got pregnant to reach this point. As I am writing this, I honestly just want to sit in my room and cry and this happened about a week and a half ago. But I have keep my good vibes going. I have release that negative test and work on manifesting my wants and desires. I’m not just talking about pregnancy and having a healthy child. My wants like how I want to reach other women all over the world and listen and help them. I want to form a tribe of women where we can learn from each other and speak on our experiences with no judgment and guilt of any kind. I want to build a company based solely on teaching proper customer service. I know -that one came completely out of left field. That’s another post. I want to do more yoga and eventually learn it where I can teach it to young kids. I feel like yoga and meditation are a great way to deal with anger and depression and pain. It seems like our kids are going through these emotions more and more these days. I want to travel and stop putting things off to ‘when I can’ or ‘when the time is right’. The time will never be right so the time is now. Before I knew it, the list was front and back. I put it in my wallet and said this right here is going to happen. I stopped thinking about what I was missing and started to focus on what was coming. Good things are coming. Until next time…

P.S. Of course I put that I am going to have another beautiful healthy child and a smooth pregnancy. That’s my #1 🙂

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