I remember a couple of months after Xavier was born, I joined a mom group on Facebook. I thought if I ask questions, I could get some great perspectives on different topics and get a better idea of this journey called motherhood. My very first question to the group was when did you ladies figure out a balance? I’ve been a mother for a couple of months now and still cannot figure out how to balance being a mom, a wife, and working full time. I immediately started getting likes and comments and I thought yes -I can get some ideas. The majority of the comments were laughing and smiling emojis. One woman said bless her heart, she thinks she’ll find a balance. A couple of women said I’m still trying to figure that out and I’ve had three children and they all are in high school. I laughed and commented to a few people but was a little bummed out that no one could give me an answer.
I think all my life, I’ve always tried to find a balance. First it was finding a balance between being a sister and hanging out with my friends. I immaturely chose the latter. Then it was being the friend that always went out or the responsible one and worked all the time. I chose the latter also. I tried to find the balance of writing and being a girlfriend, then writing and being a friend, then writing and being a wife. It’s always been a constant battle because you don’t want to neglect one and put one over the other but sometimes it seemed impossible. While dating my now husband, I wrote and published my third novel. After we got married, I promised him that I would focus more on being a wife. When I got pregnant, I knew being a mother would take up most, if not all of my time but I would make sure not to neglect being a wife. That was and still is somewhat difficult when you have a tiny human who is depending on you all the time and my husband can fend for himself…most of the time lol. I will say that the hardest shift in roles for me has been being a wife and mother and working full time. The struggle is so real with this because I only want to be home. It’s harder to get up in the morning. It’s worse coming home and an hour later, it’s time for him to go to bed. The work life that I constantly kept going doesn’t fulfill like it used to.
I defined my life by where I was working, how many hours I put in, and the allocalades I received from the job. I knew my work ethic and my work worth and took pride in someone saying ‘that’s a good worker’ or ‘Cassandra is so reliable’. Now…clocking those long hours, making that last phone call, or finishing up another spreadsheet doesn’t do anything for me. If anything, it reminds me that I need to hurry up so that I can get home. I think daily about ways to set things up to where I can be a stay-at-home mom. Now before anyone says anything, I already know that being a stay-at-home mom is not easy at all. It’s great but there’s never a clocking out for the day, phone calls are more likely a text when going to the bathroom for a quick second and a spreadsheet is a coloring book or the walls, depending on the situation. I know that it won’t be perfect but if finding the balance between being a mother and wife as well as helping with providing for the home, I think being a stay-at-home mom is the way to go for me. It’s just getting there. SAHMs -let me know what you think. Am I way off or on point? Mamas (and Dads) -do you ever find that balance? If so, how did you? I still want to know 🙂