The One Thing I wasn’t Prepared For

If you’re like any other mother, you were throw information about breastfeeding from every single angle. How important it is, how to do it, and the huge ridiculous argument about breastfeeding in public (I’m all for it by the way. I’m not trying to sexually stimulate my husband or anyone else at dinner time. I’m feeding my baby but I digress.) I was definitely team breastfeeding and all throughout the pregnancy, I was strong with my belief. When I had Xavier, I thought this is easy. He’s latching on, I’m holding him properly -we’ve got this down. We go home and I’m feeling confident that I am doing right and that I was adequately feeding my child. Third day home from the hospital, we got to our first appointment with the pediatrician. She meets Xavier and starts doing her initial check up. She comments that he’s dehydrated and he looks a little yellow. Neither my husband nor I thought anything about that. We just thought he was light. She checked his bilirubin level and turns out it was high. She sent us to the hospital to get checked again. By the time we got home, they called and said that we need to bring our 3 day old baby to ER. His numbers are too high and that he had jaundice. I never heard of that so I immediately started crying. We get him to the hospital and they had to put him under a blue light or phototherapy. He was on constant observation under this light except to breastfeed. On the first night there, the nurse told me that my milk hasn’t come in yet and that was what caused the jaundice to be so severe. Talk about MOM GUILT! For three days, I thought I was doing great but come to find out, Xavier wasn’t getting anything. They tried to give him an IV for fluids but couldn’t because he was so dehydrated. I fell into a deep depression about this which I’ll talk about later but here we were, at the hospital trying not to lose our minds. I cried every day blaming myself like how dare I do this after finally getting this blessing.


The second day I was there, I met with a lactation consultant and she helped me on breastfeeding and I saw the big difference between the first night I came home to that day. Milk was there and ready to be served. That’s when I tried a double breast pump and that…was an experience. After the third day, Xavier got better and we were able to go home. I say all of this for two reasons. I wanted to speak my truth about this because while this was happening, I didn’t tell anyone. I only saw my family and my husband. Two -I want to make new moms aware of this and how easily things can go wrong from not asking questions. Although I saw the lactation consultant when I first had Xavier, I should have asked more questions like making sure I see the milk was coming out and looking for certain signs that he is getting what he needs. The doctor told me if we hadn’t brought him in then, we might have lost him. Even if you feel like you’re doing good, ask anyway. On a side note, I’m not saying that he wouldn’t have gotten jaundice and I’m definitely not saying to not breastfeed.  It just doesn’t hurt to be 100% sure when you do it the first couple of times. Until next time ladies.

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