You know how you read about the stories where a homeless person stumbles onto a winning lottery ticket and wins bucket loads of cash or a struggling artist has their work spotted by the luck of the draw and now their work is seen all over the world. You want something so bad and then when you actually get it, then you’re thinking I have it? What do I do? After trying for what seemed like forever, to see the two lines on the pregnancy test was incredible and unbelievable. So much so in fact that I took three tests and kept all three the entire pregnancy. I had believed for so long that my body couldn’t or wouldn’t create a life so to see it was mind blowing.
Then self doubt kicked in. You finally have this opportunity-are you going to be able to handle it? What type of mother will you be? How will this affect your marriage? This is going to forever change your life so you better be ready! Next it was the guilt. I’m so happy this is happening to me but I feel bad for talking about it in front of other women who are still trying. Do I announce it right away? Do I limit what I say about the pregnancy and how life is changing. I remember reading other posts and some women would say don’t complain about morning sickness. Thousands of women wish they were in your place! Hell, I was one of those women. Now I’m on the other side. That was a hard conflict for me but I had to tell myself that those who are happy for me know I will be happy for them and those who weren’t happy didn’t need to be in my life.
So now what? You have this gift and you try to be the perfect mother because it’s what you’ve always wanted. You try not to complain about being forever tired because it’s what you’ve always wanted. You take everything to heart because you’re a first time mom and again it’s what you’ve always wanted. Listen -I’m telling myself this as well as other new moms -just because we wanted and prayed for this does not mean we will automatically know what to do and how to do it. You are a new mom just like the woman who didn’t plan on having children. You are learning and will make mistakes and that is okay. You can say you’re tired because you are. You can ask for a break because you need it. You can call your toddler a crazy psychopath because sometimes they are. You can and it’s okay.