10 Things I didn’t know before becoming a mother

Like I’ve said I have read every book I could pre-pregnancy and when I finally got pregnant. Now that I’m a mother, I find myself on many occasions saying to myself, out loud, to family and friends and sometimes even strangers asking why this is or why that is or what the heck is going on because I have never gone through this before. I have compiled a list of ten things I did not know would happen after I had my sweet baby. 
  • Never say never –Never say that you will never co-sleep, cry in the middle of a grocery store, get out of the car but forget to get your baby out, have baby food for dinner because it’s the closest to you, etc. because you don’t know. Mommy brain is very real and during the first year of my child’s life, I couldn’t believe the small situations I had gotten myself into and then would laugh because I always thought I wouldn’t be in said situation. 
  • Body changes – Okay -we’re all warned about body changes. Your boobs might not be as perky. Your back will hurt. Your knees, elbows, shoulders and ear lobes will hurt.Your stomach may not be as flat. In addition to that, your stomach might have a little pooch. All to be expected…but what about not being able to get up from just sitting after 10 minutes or the little stomach pooch having its own pooch?? (TMI) I have a mini pooch that ‘fills up’ with gas after every meal. My stomach hurts all the time and if I bump my stomach onto something, you can hear the pooch go in. It’s gross. 
  • Emotional changes -I wasn’t much of a crier before I got pregnant. Now -I cry over everything and it’s not just a little cry. It’s a full on blubber buckets of tears because Alicia Keys sang “If I ain’t got you” in Spanish on The Voice. 
  • What is considered a meal – Three days in a row, I ate once a day. It was four slices of honey smoked ham, two pieces of provolone cheese and some crackers. I was living off ham and cheese crackers. 
  • Strangers and their opinions –I was not expecting at all the amount of opinions I would receive from strangers. The internet is one thing. Everyone has something to say, good or bad, and hopefully I will have plenty of mature conversations on this blog. In public though-when I’m out with my child and all you are to me is the person who just sat next to us in a restaurant, I am not looking or asking for your opinion. I remember being out to dinner with my husband, sister in law and Xavier. The entire time we were there, this woman was looking at us. I didn’t think anything about it. Then she got up and asked who was the baby’s mother. I of course say I am. Usually when people ask that, they follow up with he’s so cute or something to that effect. She proceeds to say put a jacket on that baby. It’s cold in here. You have a jacket on. Why would you freeze your baby? and went back to her seat. I was so shocked that she had the gull to say that, my mouth dropped. She went back to her seat and then she and whoever she was with started staring at us again. We left but for a couple of weeks, it was still on the brain. Not that she said something but what she said. I took inward and immediately started thinking I was a bad mother and not taking care of my child. It took a minute before I realized that what I should have said was he is my child and I didn’t have to explain her why he didn’t have a jacket on at that time and that she could kick rocks. Lesson learned. Any and everybody can have an opinion but at the end of the day, I am the mother and I will do everything I can for my child. 
  • Jaundice Never heard of it and if I did, I wouldn’t have known. My son is biracial so when he was light, I just contributed that to his father and didn’t think anything about it. When we got home, I thought everything was fine and that we were breastfeeding just fine. We took him to his first pediatrician visit 3 days later. She tested his billirubin and it was so high that we had to go back to the hospital through the ER. He was dehydrated because he wasn’t get any breast milk. I didn’t know so we had to be in the hospital for 3 more days to get his numbers low. By that time, my milk was coming in but they had me pump while giving him formula. I had never been so scared in my life. This led to a mild depression that gradually went away. Ladies -read about jaundice so you’re aware! 
  • Mommy guilt about everything –Going to the bathroom. Taking a shower. Feeling tired. The house being a mess. The laundry not being done. Not cooking. First time I went somewhere without him. First time I left him alone. Feeling guilty for not hugging my husband enough. Feeling guilty for not being able to call my family enough. Feeling guilty for not calling my friends more. Feeling frustrated because Xavier is still hungry and he’s going through growth spurt so it seems like my body isn’t keeping up. The weight of it all dropped on my shoulders and felt, at times, hopeless. Mommy guilt is real. I’m now experiencing it for another reason which is in more detail in the post The Guilt Baggage with Trying for #2.
  • High pitch voice – I did not realize just how HIGH his voice could get. I was just getting used to his baby cry as painful as it was to hear it. When Xavier realized that he could get louder, it was all she wrote. He would cry, cry, cry and then when I wasn’t moving fast off, it was scream, screech, and shriek within five seconds. It would literally cut through my soul. 
  • Changes in Roles –I was a wife for five years before I became a mother. When motherhood came, it seemed to get harder to be a wife. It wasn’t so much the ‘being tired or exhausted’ to be the loving wife. I started thinking and saying out loud I don’t care about what you’re feeling or what you’re going through. I am here for the baby. The baby needs me and you don’t. I’ve said that on several occasions and I regret doing so. Yes the baby needed me but so does my marriage. I was trying so hard to figure out the balance that I ended up telling myself to only focus on being a mother. Now’s been 15 months -we’re getting better and have communicated more about us and taking care one another. 
  • My ultimate control –Nobody including my husband and mother couldn’t hold Xavier right. The sun was too bright. Everything was too dirty. The TV was always too loud. The room was too warm. The room was too cold.  I didn’t want anyone to hold, hug, or touch Xavier. People would come over to visit and they would joke about how I would stare like a hawk. I have backed off quite a bit but according to my husband, I am true to the name –​THE GREEN LOC’D MOMSTER!!

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